 In February 2002 I found out that I was
pregnant, which was a bit of a surprise for us. It took us some time to get used
to the idea, but we decided to go for it. My pregnancy was perfect, just the
first three months were a bit tiring and emotional, but everything went
according to the books furthermore. In the 35th week I had a
structural ultrasound, because I have a kidney abnormality, but you were
perfectly healthy. The last weeks were getting hard but I was looking forward to
meet you….Wednesday evening the second of October, I was 38,5 weeks pregnant and I was lying in bed playing with you when I lost some fluid…. Blood…A few minutes later I lost my slime clod. I called the midwife and she said that if I wasn’t losing anymore blood and my contractions didn’t start yet, I could go to sleep. I went to bed again, you were moving good, the bleeding stopped and I was feeling good, no reason to panic. I felt you move around three a clock in the night, I awoke around 07.30 and I started bleeding terribly…. Called the midwife immediately and she was with me within 10 minutes. She went looking for a heartbeat and found one of 80, but she didn’t know if it was yours or mine. She said that something was wrong and if we would wait for an ambulance you would die inside me. We hurried to the hospital in her care, they made an ultrasound…..There was a heartbeat. We drove straight into the operating room and they took you out of me. When you were born your little heart had stopped beating already, but after some reanimation you little heart started beating again. We have a son: Gosse The question of course was what happened? But when they saw my placenta and membranes it was clear: very extreme vasa praevia. Normally the umbilical cord goes from the baby to the placenta and divides itself then in veins. With us the umbilical cord stopped in the membranes and there were veins all over. With losing my slime clod the evening before, a little vein snapped and you lost your blood very slowly. The question then of course was: how much blood did you lose and what is the damage? The first thing I saw of you was a Polaroid and after 5 hours I got to see you for the first time. You were at the baby intensive care, we called your name, your eyes opened and you put your arms in the air, mummy and daddy are here. A recognition that touched us deeply. The neonatologist told us soon after that you had a very bad start. As a result of oxygen shortage your kidneys stopped working, your liver function was low as well as your brain function, you couldn’t keep your blood pressure up and your little heart had had a difficult time….you weren’t going to make it…
We miss you so much…… |
The next day the 4th
of October around 14.00, we were called; your little heart couldn’t handle it
anymore. The doctor put you on my chest, we started singing for you and we told
you: “it’s ok little man go to sleep mommy and daddy are here”. We didn’t
even notice when you died; you went to sleep very quietly.